250+ Good Roasts for People That Are Comedy Gold

Nothing brings a group together like a perfectly timed roast that lands with a laugh. These 250+ all-new, comedy-gold roasts are crafted to deliver hilarious burns for anyone, from friends to family, in settings like parties, game nights, or group chats.

Written in pure English and safe for all ages, these roasts are your ticket to owning the banter game.

Ready to drop some laugh-out-loud burns? Dive into this collection and let the comedy begin!

Table of Contents

Best Good Roasts for People That Are Comedy Gold

Style Slams

Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout.
That haircut looks like it was done with a weed whacker.
Your wardrobe’s so outdated, it’s applying for a history degree.
Those shoes are so worn, they’re begging for a retirement home.
Your style’s so weak, it’s getting roasted by thrift store racks.
That shirt’s so loud, it’s giving the sun a headache.
Your jeans are so old, they’re writing a memoir about bell-bottoms.
Your fashion sense is so lost, it’s wandering in a 90s rerun.
That jacket’s so rough, it’s scaring off every clothing store.
Your style’s so bad, it’s banned from every runway.

Tech Takedowns

Your phone’s so ancient, it’s still waiting for a telegraph signal.
You’re so bad at tech, you’d crash a smartwatch trying to set it.
Your laptop’s so slow, it’s losing to a typewriter.
You type so slow, your keyboard’s taking a coffee break.
Your tech skills are so bad, you’d short-circuit a light bulb.
Your screen’s so cracked, it’s starring in a glass-shattering montage.
You’re still using flip phones, and they’re embarrassed for you.
Your Wi-Fi game’s so weak, it’s stuck in a dial-up loop.
You’re so bad at selfies, your camera’s filing for divorce.
Your tech’s so outdated, it’s collecting dust in a museum.

Food Fiascos

Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team.
You’d burn toast and call it a gourmet char.
Your fridge is emptier than a deserted food court.
Your food combos are so weird, they’re banned from every potluck.
You call that a dish? Even the plates are cringing.
Your cooking’s so rough, the microwave’s threatening to explode.
You’d put mayo on sushi and think it’s a delicacy.
Your snack game’s so weak, it’s losing to stale crackers.
Your coffee’s so bad, the beans are staging a revolt.
Your cooking’s so awful, the dog’s hiding from your leftovers.

Social Snafus

Your small talk’s so awkward, it’s turning parties into silent retreats.
You’re so bad at texting back, your phone’s sending SOS signals.
Your jokes are so flat, they’re making pancakes jealous.
You’d fumble a compliment and start a group chat war.
Your stories are so boring, the room’s falling asleep.
Your party vibe’s so weak, the snacks are stealing the spotlight.
You’re so bad at banter, even the walls are out-roasting you.
Your flirting game’s so bad, it’s banned from every hangout.
You’re so awkward, group chats feel like a funeral.
Your social skills are so rusty, they’re creaking louder than a door.

Gaming Gags

Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you.
You’re so slow at gaming, your controller’s growing moss.
Your K/D ratio’s so low, it’s hiding in the shadows.
You’d rage-quit a puzzle game and blame the screen.
Your aim’s so bad, you’re missing the whole point of the match.
You’re so bad at gaming, even NPCs are roasting you.
Your gamer tag’s cooler than your skills by a mile.
You’d camp in a corner and call it a master plan.
Your gaming setup’s better than your win streak will ever be.
You’re so bad at games, the bots are throwing you a pity party.

Fitness Flops

Your workout routine’s lazier than a couch potato marathon.
You skip gym days so much, your sneakers are unemployed.
Your push-ups are so weak, they’re basically floor naps.
You’d nap through a 5K and call it a warm-up.
Your fitness game’s so bad, your Fitbit’s sending warning letters.
You’re so out of shape, your shadow’s outpacing you.
Your yoga poses look like a confused scarecrow in a storm.
Your gym selfies are working harder than your actual reps.
You’d rather post about fitness than lift a weight.
Your workout vibe’s so chill, it’s practically a siesta.

Music Mishaps

Your playlist’s so bad, it’s banned from every speaker system.
You sing so off-key, the neighbors are calling for backup.
Your music taste’s so old, it’s collecting dust with cassette tapes.
You’d butcher a song and call it a karaoke victory.
Your dance moves are so bad, they’re scaring off the dance floor.
Your speakers are begging for a genre upgrade.
You’re so bad at singing, the shower’s embarrassed for you.
Your playlist’s stuck in a loop nobody signed up for.
You’d trip over a beat and crash into a rhythm mess.
Your music game’s so weak, it’s losing to a ringtone.

Driving Disasters

Your parking’s so bad, it’s got its own fail compilation.
You miss turn signals like you miss every deadline.
Your driving’s so wild, the GPS just says, “You’re on your own.”
Your car’s got more scratches than a cat’s scratching post.
You’d parallel park like you’re playing bumper cars blindfolded.
Your road rage is louder than a broken muffler.
You’re so bad at driving, speed bumps are mocking you.
Your car’s begging for a break from your “skills.”
You’d get lost in a parking lot with a map and a flashlight.
Your driving’s so rough, the tires are filing complaints.

Room Wrecks

Your room’s so messy, it’s starring in a chaos documentary.
You’re so bad at cleaning, your dust bunnies have their own address.
Your desk’s so cluttered, it’s applying for a disaster award.
Your room smells like a gym bag and bad decisions had a baby.
You’re so messy, your floor’s begging for a cleanup crew.
Your bed’s so unmade, it’s staging a sheet rebellion.
You’d lose your keys in your own room and blame gremlins.
Your closet’s so chaotic, it’s scaring off hangers.
Your room’s so bad, it’s been declared a no-clean zone.
You’re so messy, your trash can’s embarrassed to be seen with you.

Chore Catastrophes

Your dishwashing’s so bad, the plates are begging for a dishwasher.
You’re so bad at laundry, your clothes are planning an escape.
Your chores are so ignored, the vacuum’s collecting cobwebs.
You’d “clean” the house and leave it messier than a tornado.
Your trash-taking skills are so weak, the bin’s overflowing with regret.
You’re so bad at chores, the broom’s applying for a new owner.
Your laundry pile’s so big, it’s got its own ecosystem.
You’d dodge chores like you’re dodging a pop quiz.
Your cleaning game’s so weak, the dust’s throwing a festival.
You’re so bad at chores, you’re the poster child for procrastination.

Social Squabbles

You’re so annoying, even the furniture’s taking sides against you.
You borrow stuff so much, I’m charging you rent for my things.
Your comebacks are so weak, they’re losing to a blank stare.
You’re so bad at sharing, toddlers are giving you side-eye.
Your arguments are dumber than a reality TV plot twist.
You’re so loud, you make quiet hangouts sound like a rock concert.
You’d steal snacks and call it a “group contribution.”
Your pranks are so bad, they’re failing prank school.
You’re so bad at apologies, your “sorry” needs a dictionary.
You’re so chaotic, you’re the MVP of group drama.

Work Woes

Your work ethic’s so lazy, it’s napping on the job.
You’re so bad at deadlines, your calendar’s sending hate mail.
Your desk’s so messy, it’s auditioning for a chaos award.
You’d call in sick and claim it’s a “mental health day.”
Your productivity’s so low, it’s hiding in the break room.
You’re so bad at meetings, the agenda’s embarrassed for you.
Your emails are so boring, they’re putting inboxes to sleep.
You’d lose a file and blame the computer’s feelings.
Your work game’s so weak, it’s losing to a coffee break.
You’re so bad at tasks, your to-do list’s on strike.

Fashion Faux Pas

Your outfit’s so bad, it’s got its own warning label.
You dress like you’re avoiding every mirror in the house.
Your shoes are so old, they’re applying for Social Security.
Your style’s so stuck, it’s still rocking flip phones.
Your wardrobe’s screaming for an emergency fashion rescue.
You’d wear socks with sandals and call it a trendsetter move.
Your accessories are louder than a morning alarm clock.
Your clothes are so mismatched, they’re staging a protest.
Your fashion’s so retro, it’s starring in a time capsule.
Your closet’s so bad, it’s hiding from a makeover show.

Social Media Slip-Ups

Your posts are so dull, even spam bots are ignoring them.
Your selfies are thirstier than a desert in August.
You’re so bad at hashtags, you’re trending in the void.
Your Stories are duller than a lecture on algebra.
You’d post a blurry pic and call it “artistic.”
Your likes are lonelier than a forgotten group chat.
You’re so bad at captions, they’re writing themselves in shame.
Your profile’s so outdated, it’s stuck in a dial-up era.
You’d livestream a nap and expect viral fame.
Your social media game’s so weak, it’s banned from the internet.

Time Management Tangles

You’re so late, the clock’s giving you the silent treatment.
Your schedule’s messier than a toddler’s art project.
You procrastinate so much, your to-do list’s writing a memoir.
You’re so bad at time management, alarms are mocking you.
Your plans are so chaotic, calendars are filing for divorce.
You’d be late to your own birthday party.
Your deadlines are lonelier than a deserted playground.
You’re so slow, snails are challenging you to a race.
Your time management’s so bad, it’s stuck in a time warp.
You’d miss a bus even if it honked at you.

Party Pooper Puns

Your party vibe’s so weak, the balloons are popping themselves.
You’re so bad at dancing, the DJ’s switching to lullabies.
Your party stories are so dull, the snacks are stealing the show.
You’d spill a drink and call it a party trick.
Your party game’s so bad, the walls are having more fun.
You’re so bad at karaoke, the mic’s begging for mercy.
Your dance moves are so bad, they’re banned from every dance floor.
You’re so boring at parties, the punch bowl’s outshining you.
You’d show up to a party dressed as “exhausted.”
Your party skills are so rough, even the confetti’s embarrassed.

Snack Stealer Slams

You steal snacks so much, I’m putting a padlock on the pantry.
Your snack game’s so sneaky, you’re banned from the kitchen.
You’d eat my chips and call it a “taste test.”
Your snack-stealing skills are better than your actual talents.
You’re so bad at sharing food, the fridge is judging you.
You’d swipe my pizza slice and say it’s “community service.”
Your snack raids are faster than your chore excuses.
You’re so sneaky with snacks, you’re the ninja of crumbs.
You’d eat my leftovers and call it a “group effort.”
Your snack-stealing’s so bad, I’m hiring a food detective.

Brainiac Burns

Your brain’s so slow, it’s still loading last week’s thoughts.
You’re so bad at trivia, you’d lose to a toddler’s board game.
Your logic’s so twisted, it’s doing cartwheels in a maze.
You’d argue with a calculator and lose every round.
Your brain’s so rusty, it’s creaking louder than a rusty gate.
You’re so bad at puzzles, crosswords are solving themselves.
Your ideas are so wild, they’re banned from every brainstorm.
You’d overthink a yes-or-no question into next month.
Your memory’s so bad, you forgot your own comeback.
You’re so bad at math, you think 2+2 is a vibe.

Fitness Fumbles

Your gym routine’s so weak, it’s napping on the treadmill.
You’re so bad at running, pigeons are outpacing you.
Your workout’s lazier than a Sunday morning cartoon binge.
You’d lift a dumbbell and call it a world record.
Your fitness game’s so bad, your sneakers are embarrassed.
You’re so out of shape, your shadow’s lapping you.
Your push-ups are so weak, they’re basically floor hugs.
You’d skip cardio and say walking to the fridge counts.
Your gym vibe’s so chill, it’s practically a nap session.
You’re so bad at fitness, your yoga mat’s filing for divorce.

Travel Tangles

Your navigation’s so bad, you’d get lost in your own driveway.
You’re so bad at packing, your suitcase needs a therapist.
Your travel plans are messier than a cluttered backpack.
You’d miss a flight even if the plane was parked outside.
Your road trip playlist’s so bad, the car’s begging for silence.
You’re so bad at directions, Google Maps is throwing shade.
Your packing’s so chaotic, your bag’s applying for a refund.
You’d get lost in a supermarket with a map and a guide.
Your travel stories are duller than an airport layover.
You’re so bad at trips, your backpack’s embarrassed to be seen.

Phone Fumbles

Your phone’s so old, it’s got a better social life than you.
You’re so bad at texting, autocorrect’s working double shifts.
Your screen’s so cracked, it’s auditioning for a mosaic exhibit.
You’d drop your phone in a puddle and call it a bath.
Your notifications are lonelier than a forgotten group chat.
You’re so bad at selfies, your camera’s begging for retirement.
Your phone battery’s so weak, it’s giving up faster than you.
You’d lose your phone in your own pocket and blame ghosts.
Your texting game’s so slow, it’s stuck in a 90s chatroom.
You’re so bad at apps, you’d crash a flashlight with one tap.

Morning Mishaps

Your morning routine’s so slow, the sun’s outrunning you.
You’re so bad at waking up, your alarm’s filing for resignation.
Your bedhead’s so wild, it’s starring in a jungle documentary.
You’d sleep through an earthquake and call it a nap.
Your morning coffee’s working harder than your entire day.
You’re so bad at mornings, the roosters are roasting you.
Your snooze button’s so overworked, it’s demanding overtime.
You’re so slow to get up, your breakfast’s eating itself.
Your morning vibe’s so rough, even the sun’s embarrassed.
You’d trip over your own feet rushing to nowhere.

Movie Night Misfires

Your movie picks are so bad, Netflix is sending you warnings.
You’re so bad at watching films, you’d nap through the action scenes.
Your popcorn game’s so weak, it’s just kernels of disappointment.
You’d pick a rom-com and cry harder than the characters.
Your movie taste’s so bad, it’s banned from every streaming app.
You’re so bad at plot twists, you’d spoil them in the trailer.
Your couch potato vibe’s stronger than the movie’s plot.
You’d talk through a silent film and miss every frame.
Your movie snacks are so bad, the popcorn’s embarrassed.
You’re so bad at picking films, even the TV’s judging you.

Random Roasts

Your life’s so chaotic, it’s starring in a sitcom nobody watches.
You’re so bad at plans, your calendar’s on permanent hiatus.
Your logic’s so wild, it’s doing somersaults in a storm.
You’d lose a staring contest with a blank wall.
Your vibes are so random, they’re confusing a crystal ball.
You’re so bad at decisions, your coin flips are rigged.
Your excuses are lamer than a three-legged dog.
You’d trip over a compliment and turn it into a roast.
Your chaos game’s so strong, it’s scaring off tornadoes.
You’re so bad at everything, it’s practically your superpower.

Why These Roasts Shine

Nailing the Comedy-Gold Tone

Roasts like “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” (style), “Your phone’s so ancient, it’s still waiting for a telegraph signal” (tech), and “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” (food) deliver laugh-out-loud humor with a playful sting.

Matching the Context

For a party, use “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team.” For a group chat, try “You’re so bad at texting back, your phone’s sending SOS signals.” For a game night, go “Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you.”

Timing for Maximum Impact

Drop “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” at a potluck. Use “Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you” during a gaming session. Try “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” when they show up looking rough.

Keeping It Playful

Avoid mean jabs like “You’re useless.” Go for “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” or “Your phone’s so ancient, it’s still waiting for a telegraph signal” to keep it fun and comedy-gold.

Personalizing the Roast

For their style, use “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout.” For their gaming, try “Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you.” For their cooking, go “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team.”

Delivery Tips

At a party, use “Your party vibe’s so weak, the balloons are popping themselves” with a laugh. In a group chat, try “You’re so bad at texting back, your phone’s sending SOS signals” for a quick zing. In person, say “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” with a smirk.

Interaction Context

For gaming roasts, use “Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you.” For social fails, try “Your small talk’s so awkward, it’s turning parties into silent retreats.” For food flops, go “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team.”

Evolving Your Roasts

Don’t repeat “You’re lame.” Switch to “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” or “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” to keep roasts fresh and funny.

Handling Their Response

If they laugh, say “Got you good, but you know I’m the roast champ!” If they’re salty, try “Chill, it’s just a burn—your turn to fire back!” If they roast back, go “Nice try, but my burns are pure comedy gold!”

Avoiding Harsh Roasts

Skip cruel lines like “You’re a failure.” Use “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” or “Your phone’s so ancient, it’s still waiting for a telegraph signal” for playful, funny burns.

Teaching Banter

Model “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” to show comedy-gold humor. Share “Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you” for witty flair. Use “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” to inspire playful jabs.

When to Keep It Short

For quick roasts, use “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” for punchy humor. For longer banter, try “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout, and even the mirror said no.”

Bonus Content: Extra Roast Ammo

5 Scenarios for Perfect Roasts

Party Night: Use “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” for potluck laughs.
Game Night: Say “Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you” for a gaming burn.
Group Chat: Try “You’re so bad at texting back, your phone’s sending SOS signals” for digital zings.
Casual Hang: Go “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” for a quick jab.
Road Trip: Use “Your driving’s so wild, the GPS just says, ‘You’re on your own’” for travel fun.

5 Ways to Elevate Your Roasts

Add Funny Flair: Use “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” for sharp humor.
Match the Moment: Gaming? Go “Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you.” Cooking? Try “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team.” Party? Use “Your party vibe’s so weak, the balloons are popping themselves.”
Keep It Playful: Write “Your phone’s so ancient, it’s still waiting for a telegraph signal” for a light burn.
Personalize It: Mention their quirks, like “Your cooking’s so bad, [their name], the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team.”
Be Memorable: Use “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” for a roast they’ll remember.

5 Roasts to Avoid

Too Mean: “You’re a loser” hurts; use “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” instead.
Too Personal: “Your life’s a mess” stings; try “Your room’s so messy, it’s starring in a chaos documentary.”
Too Harsh: “You’re pathetic” bombs; go “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team.”
Too Vague: “You suck” flops; use “Your phone’s so ancient, it’s still waiting for a telegraph signal.”
Too Cruel: “Nobody likes you” fails; try “Your party vibe’s so weak, the balloons are popping themselves.”

5 Follow-Up Actions to Keep It Fun

Laugh together to show it’s all in good fun.
Fire back if they roast you to keep the banter alive.
Share a snack to cool things down after a zinger.
Record the roast for group laughs later (with their okay).
High-five to keep the vibe playful and fun.

5 Tips for Crafting Your Own Roasts

Stay Funny: Use “Your outfit’s so bad, it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” for humor.
Be Playful or Witty: Try “Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you” or “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” for versatility.
Keep It Short but Punchy: Roasts like “Your phone’s so ancient, it’s still waiting for a telegraph signal” hit hard without dragging.
Match the Context: Gaming? Go “Your gaming skills are so bad, the tutorial’s laughing at you.” Social fails? Try “Your small talk’s so awkward, it’s turning parties into silent retreats.” Cooking? Use “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team.”
Show Comedy Vibes: Add “Got you good, but you know I’m the roast champ!” to keep it light.

Conclusion

From style slams to snack-stealer burns, these 250+ comedy-gold roasts will spark laughs and light up any crowd. Perfect for keeping the vibe fun while landing playful jabs, you’re ready to roast like a pro. Want more witty burns? Check out our other guides for more banter ammo!

FAQs

Q. How do I roast someone without being too mean?
Use “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” for a funny jab, and end with a laugh to keep it playful.
Q. What’s a good roast for a party?
Try “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” for potluck laughs.
Q. Can these work in a group chat?
Yes! Use “You’re so bad at texting back, your phone’s sending SOS signals” for a quick digital zing.
Q. How do I make my roast personal?
Go with “Your outfit’s so bad, [their name], it’s like you got dressed in a blackout” or mention a quirky habit.
Q. Are these roasts safe for all ages?
Totally! Use “Your phone’s so ancient, it’s still waiting for a telegraph signal” or “Your cooking’s so bad, the kitchen’s calling for a hazmat team” for fun, safe burns.